Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
