we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
