so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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