I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
