im about as happy as oj after his trial
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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