no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
