At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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