hell yes lets make some ravioli
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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