Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
