It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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