she woke up with a sticky ear
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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