just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
