Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
