That's intense
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He felt like a one man threesome
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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