Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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