Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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