So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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