i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
