If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
