I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
