you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
