I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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