Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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