At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
