What a fucking waste of an outfit
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
