bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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