as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
