Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
