i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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