Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
