The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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