My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
When are your genitals available?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
