Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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