I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
