woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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