Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
