Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
