My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
