dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
