I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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