genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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