We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
