I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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