can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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