how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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