is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
