Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
