No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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