IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
