Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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