Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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