I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
