I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
