oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize