Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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