You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
