i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
