I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
