Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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