I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
