If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
