That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
