I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Randomize
