I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
