Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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