Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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