yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
